


Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

by makesometime



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Almost crack but mostly just levity, Azu Hamid and Cel play wingperson but there's a twist, Canon Asexual Character, Friendship, Genre Savvy, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Matchmaking, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Set during the Hiroshima arc, Sex-Favorable Zolf Smith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesometime/pseuds/makesometime
Summary: "What's up little buddy? What's happening?""You asked Zolf if he and Wilde were involved, back in quarantine."Cel laughs, folding themself up on the couch. "Of course I did! You'd have to be blind not to see the tension between them, and let me tell you, they are both blind as bats because for some reason it's obvious to everyone else."
Relationships: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde
Comments: 16
Kudos: 86





	Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

**Author's Note:**

> What do you get when you group up a Paladin of Aphrodite, a nosy halfling and a half-elf who ships it _so hard_? Hijinks. Just pure hijinks. And multiple characters being more genre savvy than they have any right being.
> 
> This was written almost entirely as an exercise in seeing if I could write more voices other than Zolf and Wilde. I had a lot of fun with it, and I hope you do too.
> 
> (I also just wanna take a moment to be clear about my asexual Zolf headcanon after a few fics, which is generally no but into Oscar's pleasure.)

“Do you truly think they don’t realise?”

Azu watches as Hamid looks up from his sewing, the dim light of the fire surely making the task of aligning small stitches much harder than it needs to be.

“What do you mean?”

She looks around for a moment, checking that everyone is still resting, the lights in the tents all extinguished as their companions steal some rest before the next watch. “Zolf and Wilde. Do you think they don’t realise?”

Hamid, for his part, looks both sleepy and confused, his brain not quite keeping up with her question. “I’m sorry, Azu. I’m not sure I follow.”

Oh, but she misses being surrounded by her fellow cultists. They, at least, would understand. “They’re in love with each other, Hamid. Can’t you see that?”

The halfling splutters, having taken a particularly poor timed swig of his cooling tea, coughing as Azu rubs a soothing hand over his back. From behind them, she hears Cel’s half-asleep voice saying something like ‘ _youkaylilbuddy?_ ’ before they quickly drift back into slumber.

“ _Azu!_ ” Hamid hisses, voice pitched high and scandalised. “What do you mean? That’s— they’re—.” She waits, seeing the dull sense of realisation fall over her friend’s features, the tips of his ears slowly going pink. “Azu, _they’re in love_!”

“Yes, my friend.” She beams, full of warmth and joy at the shared moment of love’s realisation, even if it isn’t her own.

“Oh. Oh I don’t think I… Well, I suppose they’ve had so much time together, more than Sasha and I ever had with Zolf, really, and I guess they came to rely on each other and oh Azu, it’s so _romantic,_ so much better than those _terrible_ books—.”

“Hamid, perhaps don’t insult Harrison Campbell when Zolf is in earshot, even if he is asleep.” Azu says warmly, moving her hand to rest on his shoulder. She leans conspiratorially. “I think we might have to encourage them to recognise what we’ve just agreed upon.”

Hamid’s face falls, expressive eyebrows pulling together in a sad wince. “Oh. And in the middle of the end of the world, too. But, I know if I loved someone and risked losing them every day, I’d want to tell them before it was too late.”

Struck by an impish sort of mischief, Azu grins. “Perhaps we could steal Oscar’s tent and hide it, so they have to share.”

Hamid looks at her with wide eyes and a gasp. “Oh! There’d be _only one bed_!”

#

Their scheme is stifled by Zolf's watchful eye on Wilde the next night _(though, in reality, Azu counts that as a partial win)_ , and by Wilde's insistence on pushing on until they're all near dead on their feet the night after. 

Azu would be more irritated about being foiled twice if she wasn't so busy being continually frustrated by such blatant refusal to acknowledge love in her presence. The heart hanging at her sternum feels cooler than it has in some time and she _needs_ to fix it, to feel Aprhodite’s presence once more. 

They arrive in Hiroshima without too much fuss, at least, and the look that Hamid shoots her when Wilde throws him the coin for the hotel is nakedly conspiratorial, only increasing in glee as Zolf distracts Wilde with offering his assistance in gathering supplies. 

' _Only one bed!_ ' Hamid mouths at her, out of view of the pair, and she gives him a quick thumbs up as she smoothes her hand over Topaz’ neck. 

It’s strange being back in a city, a thing she wouldn’t have expected herself to ever get used to. She’s distracted enough by watching people go about their business that she doesn’t hear the rest of the party move out, and doesn’t recognise that Zolf is beside her until he speaks.

"What are you two doing lurking here?" He asks, Wilde’s shopping list held too-tight in his hand. "You look right suspicious." 

Hamid, perhaps the least subtle partner in crime, flushes a bit across the bridge of his nose and gees up his horse. "Oh nothing, Zolf! I'll see you at the hotel!" 

And then he’s gone, leaving Azu and Zolf awkwardly in the middle of the street. She glances back at Zolf in time to see him frown back down at the list, reading a few of the items and giving a hearty roll of his eyes. 

"Is anything the matter?" 

Zolf shakes the paper a bit in her direction. "Burton's shaving kit - _number sixteen_? What on earth difference does it make what kit I get? Poncy sod."

"He's a man who knows what he likes." She says with a mild shrug. "I think that's admirable."

"Admirable's one word for it." Zolf grumbles. "Can't believe I offered."

Her heart swells at his continued grumpiness. How on earth does he not see? What a pair they are. "Perhaps he just wants to look good. You know. Make a good impression."

With a scoff, Zolf kicks his horse into a slow walk. "No one here to impress."

"Oh I don't know about that…"

Zolf fixes her with a gleam in his eye so cheeky that for a moment it’s like looking at someone else entirely. It’s like looking at _Wilde_ —.

"Got a crush on Wilde do we?" 

It's her turn to splutter, shaking her head at the mere _suggestion_. "Please, Zolf, don't _even_."

That makes him laugh, at least, and that's something that she doesn't actually think she's had the pleasure of experiencing before.

"Wilde dresses up to please himself.” Zolf says, looking away from her as his laughter trails off all too soon. “No one else."

"Seems like you know a lot about him. There's a lot of trust there."

Zolf shrugs, eyes fixed on the mane of his horse. "I guess. Still annoys the snot out of me but… Yeah. For a long time it was just us. It forges a bond, you know?" 

Oh. _Oh._ The amount left unsaid makes her feel like crying, the sheer _potential_ being squandered… Azu inhales sharply to battle the tears pricking at her eyes. 

" _Oh,_ _I definitely know_."

"Are you alright?" Zolf asks, hearing something in her voice that gives him pause.

She gives a great shake of her head and plasters on a smile that she hopes Zolf doesn’t know well enough to see through. "I'm fine! Just tired, I think, from the journey." 

Zolf gives her one more curiously confused look and then nods, content to let a comfortable silence fall instead. 

Once safely at the hotel and settled in her room, Azu falls on the bed and screams into the pillows for several minutes.

#

Free of the frustration of stifled emotions, and after a cursory enjoyment of the novelty of her room, Azu realises she should really find Hamid before he can leave to take care of his errands.

He opens the door to his room, strikingly but not impossibly smaller than hers, and invites her in with a babble of conversation. 

"Okay so I'm not sure if Wilde is even coming to the hotel tonight but I decided not to book him a room on purpose because, you know, lets not waste money and also it would be funny if he had to share. I also asked the front desk to send him to room 205 if he does decide to spend the night here."

"Zolf's room?" She asks, catching on quick.

He beams. "Zolf's room."

Azu settles herself on the floor, because it feels about right to keep on his eyeline and she suspects every inch of this hotel will be more comfortable than sleeping on the ground for the past few nights. "Very good, Hamid. I knew I could count on you.”

Hamid sighs as he flops down in a chair, all of his energy leaving in an instant. "Did you see how Zolf looked at Oscar when he was writing out his list? Azu I don't think I've ever seen anything so tender in my life. It's _killing me_."

"Oh _don't_. We rode here together and he was telling me all about the bond they formed in their time here together and I almost cried, Hamid. How can two such accomplished people be so oblivious?" 

Hamid sighs again, looking off into the middle distance and rubbing a comforting hand over his stomach. Then, with a shout, he jumps to his feet and rushes out of the room. Azu watches as he knocks quickly on the door across the hall, urging Cel to follow him back into his room. He doesn’t shut the door, which helps a little with her slowly growing sense of being penned in. 

"What's up little buddy? What's happening?" 

"You asked Zolf if he and Wilde were involved, back in quarantine."

Cel laughs, folding themself up on the couch. "Of course I did! You'd have to be blind not to see the tension between them, and let me tell you, they are both blind as _bats_ because for some reason it's obvious to _everyone else_."

"Thank you! I can't believe he's still denying it."

Cel smiles, their eyes turning a bit soft. "I mean I get it, I get that it's scary and everything's really unstable right now but I mean, no sneaking into each other's tents? No midnight walks in the moonlight? No accidentally only booking one hotel room with only one bed?" 

"Exactly!" Hamid exclaims, shooting half out of his chair in excitement. 

"Please tell me you did that." Cel says, a suddenly serious aside to Hamid. 

"Of course! What do you take me for?" 

"A very _clever_ friend." They grin, as Hamid puffs up all proud of himself. 

Azu opens her mouth to encourage further mischief in their downtime in the city now that there’s three of them to put a plan into action, when the sound of approaching footsteps comes from outside the still-open door. Very adept at gossiping in highly occupied areas, she clamps her lips together and waves her hand at the others to shut them up, fixing a winning smile on her face just in case. 

Zolf appears in the doorway clutching his bag of holding, and glances in at the room with what looks like perfectly normal curiosity, until he sees who's inside. 

Azu continues to smile, and glances at her periphery to find Hamid equally cheery looking, with Cel faintly whistling and playing with their hair. 

"What's going on…?" Zolf drawls, eyes narrowed and sounding utterly unimpressed. "Didn't you all have stuff to do?" 

"Yes Zolf, of course, we were just… bonding? Taking a breath, recuperating before heading out." Hamid says, his voice only a few octaves higher than it should be. For him, a great achievement. 

"Sure you were." The dwarf sighs, tightening his grip on his haul. "Suspicious buggers, the lot of you."

Conscious that anything she tries to say will likely come out wrong, Azu keeps smiling until Zolf gives a scoff and turns away, carrying on down the hall to his room. Once they hear a door open and close, the three of them deflate, Azu rubbing at her aching cheeks.

“That went… well?”

Cel laughs, standing up to their full height and heading to the door. “Whatever you say, little buddy.”

#

The days in Hiroshima pass without any sign of Wilde, but there’s enough going on that Azu finds herself suitably distracted from antics. At one point Zolf seems to settle into himself a little more, perhaps able to think a little clearer without the man’s constant presence.

By the time they’re on the airship there’s barely time to breathe, and she finds her head filled with thoughts of safety and risk, forethought and mutiny, Kiko and… Azu smiles, tucking her face into the shoddy blankets as she tries to catch a little rest in the empty crew quarters before her shift.

The hurried patter of light footsteps draws her eyes open before they fully close, to find Hamid rushing into the room. “Azu, have you seen Zolf?”

“I would imagine he's on deck no? Wouldn't be like him to shirk his duties, you know Earhart would notice.”

“You say that, but I can't find him anywhere. And I’ve looked twice!” Hamid ponders, catching his breath against the wall. “Oh, well I suppose it can wait. It's probably time I check in with Wilde anyway, make sure he's not causing any trouble.”

Azu smiles, because pointing out that Oscar's not like that anymore just makes her heart feel heavy. "Tell him I say hello."

Hamid nods, distracted still and poor at hiding it, as he trundles off to the other end of the ship. 

It can only be a few minutes before she spots a blur of movement coming back down the hall, Hamid rocketing forward on feet that look like they're barely keeping up. 

“Azu Azu Azu Azu oh my gods Azu we need to find Cel. Oh Azu. Come on!“

His hand is tiny in hers but the force with which he pulls her out of the room and down to Cel's station is encouraging enough, and all too soon she and Cel are crouched awkwardly in front of the halfling as he rings his hands together and… fights a smile? 

"I found Zolf." He directs to Azu, but turns his now-beaming smile on Cel too. "He was with Wilde."

"With Wilde or _with Wilde_ because you know lil buddy those are two very different things and it's not fair to play with our emotions this way—."

" _With_ Wilde." Hamid says, his eyebrows near dancing off his face. 

Azu clasps her hands in front of her chest, fighting a losing battle against an overwhelming swell of emotion. "Oh Aphrodite be praised, they finally got their heads out of their backsides."

Hamid's lips twist into the sauciest look she thinks she’s ever seen him wear. "Well, talking of backsides…”

"Hamid!” She gasps. “Please, we've invaded their privacy once today already.”

She watches as Cel and Hamid share a look, and then turn back to her, two against one and proud of it. Azu knows she should hold out. Should be the strong one, the better one, the one respectful of their right to privacy.

"... Okay fine, tell us _everything_."

Azu knows she should be a lot of things that she’s not.

"Well, I think I can safely say that Zolf's initial assessment in London has proven to be quite right - Oscar really does have a _very_ nice bum."

Cel squeals and claps their hands so loudly that the kobolds take note and rush over and all too soon Hamid is telling a carefully sanitised version of his story to a half-elf, an orc and four to six bemused kobolds. 

#

In her defence. She tries _really_ hard to act as though everything is normal. That she isn’t carrying around a secret that makes her heart sing.

She even manages to get through an entire conversation with Zolf without cooing at him and thinks herself in the clear, throwing a grateful look up to the sky. It's just her misfortune, then, that means Zolf catches her doing it. 

His sigh is weary, the question more than familiar by now. “What's up?”

Azu feels herself floundering before she’s even spoken. “Nothing! Sorry I had… something in my eye?”

Zolf hesitates, peering at her for a moment before his face falls. “Oh _piss_. Hamid told you, didn’t he? Who else knows?”

Well. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of point in lying _now_. “Cel.”

“And?”

“Most of the kobolds though they didn't seem particularly bothered.”

“Tell me Earhart doesn't.” Zolf winces.

“No! Zolf, no of course not.”

“Guess I can stop threatening Barnes and Carter with actual bodily harm if they let slip now.” Zolf sighs, rubbing a hand over his forehead. “That was getting old.” 

“Wait… why do Barnes and Carter know?” 

Azu feels her eyes grow comically wide as it dawns on her. In an instant, every single conversation, every single interaction she's been privy to starts to colour in a new light. 

“ _How long have you been together_??” 

Zolf huffs out a long breath. “Eight… nine months now? Give or take? Maybe longer, you'd have to ask Wilde. We've got, uh, different opinions on that sort of thing.”

“Oh Zolf, why did you lie? Love is something to be celebrated!” She moves closer to him, settling herself down on a crate when he doesn’t startle at her doing so.

“Cos... Cos it's important not to get distracted. The mission comes first. We both accepted that at the start of all this and making a… _big deal_ of anything is dangerous.”

She watches Zolf grimace, looking out at the passing clouds for a moment. She hesitates over reaching out to him, unsure if they’re quite _there_ with their relationship yet.

“I understand, Zolf. But if the past few months have taught me anything, it’s to hold on tight to what matters to you. You don’t know when it might be ripped away. It’s not selfish to cling to something bright in the dark times.”

“What if it just makes it worse, to have it and lose it?”

“You already have it, Zolf.” She smiles. “Both of you are responsible enough to put the mission first, you proved that. And when we save the world, you can be together freely.”

Zolf looks at her quietly for a moment, then shakes his head with a wry smile. “I admire your optimism.”

Azu folds her palm over where the heart rests under her armor. “It is sort of my thing.”

“Maybe I’ll try it one day.” He says quietly, turning to leave. At the last moment, he turns back. “But don’t fucking tell Earhart.”

“On my honour as a Paladin of Aphrodite, I will not tell Earhart.” She grins. “But perhaps lock the door next time.”

Zolf snorts. “Clever, you’re clever, okay. See you later Azu.”

“See you later, Zolf.”

To her unending delight, the heart pendant stays warm for the rest of the day.


End file.
